HSP: Coming Out

I've been doing some research on other projects that might be similar to the Human Soul Project, and I've found surprisingly little. One of the projects I found is Yes, I Am: Stories by Young Queer People, which is a small collection of stories, poems, and pictures. The downloadable book (PDF format) is short (43 pages) and I'm sure there must be more comprehensive content out there; I believe there is more content, it just hasn't been tapped into yet. It's not about being better, but about offering more of who we are. HSP's desire is to reach out to, include, and honor more people than has previously been achieved. 

It's easy to forget that coming out is a process. An often traumatic process. No, not everyone has a story of being outed or abused or shunned, but we all have stories of a process. Trauma isn't just in the first time you come out to someone, but in the process of deciding whom you will come out to first. Deciding when you will come out. The fact that there's even a decision to be made. And then finally speaking the words. Over and over and over again.

We don't just come out once. We come out to friends. To family. To coworkers. To strangers. We agonize over what we want to say and how we want to say it. We agonize over expected reactions. We have conversations in our heads that make our hearts race with all the possible scenarios we play out. We get worked up and talk ourselves into and out of coming out to this person and that person over and over again. We struggle with who we are and wonder what people think about us, even as we attempt to appear as if we don't care at all. 

And then once we have the conversation, we play it over and over and over again in our heads. We wonder if we said it right. We wonder if they interpreted us right. We wonder if they meant what they said. We wonder if they will really accept us. Or really deny us. What are they telling other people? What are they telling themselves? Will the next conversation be this good? This bad? 

While it's true that no one has the same story, it's also true that someone out there shares parts of my story. Parts of your story. Parts of our stories. There are thoughts and feelings and fears that run amuck in our overactive minds that can leave us paralyzed or empower us to press on and speak out and live our lives. At some point in our realization of the mere fact that we are gay or lesbian or bisexual or transgender, we all go through these steps.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. We are grieving the loss of our former self. The self that struggled with who he or she was, with who we thought we had to be. We all grow up wanting to live up to a potential that was created for us by someone else. And when we realize this is not what we want at all, not who we are at all, it's devastating. Some experience the devastation for moments; some for years. Some, still, never recover and end up living their lives to please others because they fear the repercussions of being who they are. 

HSP wants to help you share your process, your story. Sharing your stories--our stories--with the people that relate to us best eases some of the anxiety, lessens some of the confusion. HSP wants to be the conduit that brings our stories together.

It’s in this less traumatic, more positive process of sharing the conversations, the wonder, the anxiety and hopefully the shared relief that gets us through it and empowers us, fists clenched (for now) to just do it and one day wake up without trepidation. Whatever your story, we’re looking forward to being a part of it.

To share your story, please review the HSP Submission Guidelines and submit to humansoulproject@gmail.com.